Before I go into this post I just want to take out time to appreciate all of you reading my blog. It means so much to me. When I started writing I never thought anyone would read it, it took me so long to gather the courage to share my blog with the world. And I'm glad that at a few people are reading it and it has inspired at least one person. I appreciate your feedback too. Enough of that, let me go into the post.
Today was one of those days - you know the ones, where your clothes just don't look right, and your hair is doing its own thing - yes, today was one of those days. I was looking in the mirror asking myself what more can I do to look better. I added an extra layer of powder, changed my blouse, and lipstick; still, I just wasn't looking good.
It then occurred to me that I just wasn't content with myself. I'd be thinking maybe just maybe if I was slimmer I'd be perfect, and I tried - still
trying - but its so difficult. What I lost was so little, it was
frustrating; and its partly because I'm such a foodie - yes, I love me some good food. Lol!!!
I just realised that I sell myself short. I want to be lighter - just a bit nothing too drastic, I want a less round face, smaller cheeks and lips, bigger eyes, and a more pointed nose. I'd be telling myself if only you were a bit different then you'd be beautiful.
Somewhere in a part of my mind I believed that I'll be happier being different. Just a
little lighter, a little slimmer, a bit taller, a slimmer face, a more
pointed nose, a higher cheekbone, thinner lips, the list goes on.
Yes I still want to
lose weight and I'm still trying but its not about beauty anymore because I know that being slimmer is not
what's going to make me more beautiful. No it starts with me accepting
that I am who I am not some airbrushed model on the cover of a magazine and I can
never be anyone else.
I've worked through some of my insecurities and I'm still working on
the others. I know I'll never be perfect but I'm beautifully imperfect and that's okay by me
Since the day I decided to give my life to Jesus, one thing has been ringing in my head, 'Jesus is coming soon' coupled with the fact that I could die any day.
It scares me to know that one day life as I know it would end and I would be judged for my words - the one I said and didn't say, my actions, the work of my hands - in short my whole life.
I am insanely afraid of going to hell. You see I have heard about this place of eternal suffering and punishment. This place full of worms, maggot, fire and trouble. The idea of everlasting torment terrifies me.
I have also heard about Heaven and I want to go there. I really really want to go there but living like Jesus is hard, very hard.
I try to be like Jesus but I find that like Paul 'what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing'.
I know that to be the person God wants me to be, I have to forget about pleasing man and let my main aim be pleasing God.
I pray that when He shall come with trumpet sound, may I then in Him be found.
I ask myself 'am I idolising food'? And the reply comes so quickly 'of course not'. Well, actually am I not idolising it by eating
too much of it?
I have allowed my eating habits control me. My lack of discipline is evident every time I get on the scale. I have given my gluttony a fancy name, 'Comfort eating'. When I'm in a good mood I'd give myself a treat and get some Mcdonalds. When I'm in a bad mood I'd find comfort in Subway.
I'd be telling myself 'I'm depressed let me have some KFC hot wings to make me feel better' 'Oh I'm bored why don't I get something to eat' 'I'm stressed out let me eat something' 'I'm happy let me eat'. All the while saying 'food fills the void'
And its sad because as I'm typing this I'm dreaming about the French fries across the street from me.
Not too long ago I was watching a very tragic video of how four boys were brutally beaten and burnt to death. It angered me and I started thinking of how the killers deserved to be hung in public. But the truth is that 'sin is sin' and I have no right to judge anyone. The one who kidnapped, raped and killed 30 women; and me that told a white lie which I considered harmless both deserve to die because every time we sin no matter how little, we crucify Christ again and again. Even Jesus said, ''He that is without sin among you let him cast the first stone'' John 8:7. It is not in my place to judge anyone just because I think I'm more righteous than them.
''So I don't care what they did to you, know how much it gets to you regardless of who disrespected, rejected, or neglected you, slept with you and sexually transmitted disease infected you no matter who, what ,when, where, why or how they spiritually or physically molested you, raped you, betrayed you, spit in your face just to show you how much they hate you; despite what they did against you, if you take two seconds and think about how you've offended God, it should make you understand how much you deserve death just as much as they do'' Ezekiel Azonwu.
We all sinned and come short of God's glory, and only He has the right to judge.
God deliver me from self-righteousness
''Forgiveness is our command. Judgement is
not.'', Neil Strait
I know no one likes hearing about death but I hear about death all the time and I'm not talking old people, no I'm talking about 19, 20 year olds. Its so sad how we have our lives all planned out and it could just end in a second.
A woman died earlier this week, she was shopping and next thing she dropped dead. Sad, isn't it? I bet in a million years she never would have imagined that that day would be her last. She probably never knew that she wouldn't see November. The truth is we are all dying, with every second that passes we are closer to the day we die. Some of us still have decades, others a few years and some of us are on our last week.
The sad thing about death is 'he takes no fun in catching up to those who already expect his arrival. If you were death: would you rather take the 80 year old preacher on his death bed singing to Jesus about going to beyond or the 18 year old boy at the club thinking that he's got his whole life to live right oblivious that he's five heartbeats away from, four breaths away from, three seconds away from, too late to keep a stray bullet from saying hello to his lungs; looks like life just lost one' Jackie Hill.
You say 'life is short', but in all honesty you don't truly believe it. Most of us think that if we just keep quiet about death then it won't happen to us. WRONG because the harsh reality is 'it is appointed unto man to die', its just that simple. We all will die, its just a matter of time. Your plans of marriage and children and old age won't keep you from dying.
You see the problem is you don't think you're gonna die tomorrow, neither do you think that Jesus is coming tomorrow because if you did, you'd forsake your sins, carry your cross and follow Jesus. Remember that life is only temporary and we are actually preparing for eternity.Get yourself prepared so you don't burn eternally. Your next moment is not promised so abandon your sins now 'for the wages of sin is death', Romans 6:23. Heaven is for all that will endure till the end.
I have fallen in love with Passion For Christ movement (P4CM). They have a youtube page where the put up videos and I just wanted to share it with you.
Enjoy!!! Stay Blessed
Almost saved transcript
One of the most dangerous terms in English diction
If it could be translated into audio it would sound like pbb-bb-bb-bb from the saxophone of Lisa Simpson
Two words designed and strategically combined
To form the biggest oxymoron in the history of mankind
ALL-MOST
But see, as far as the world's concerned, you could live your life vile
and could almost get away with murder if you have a nice smile
You could almost meet folks just to almost sleep around
and stop at your local clinic where you almost had a child.
see, 'almost' is no stranger to Satan. Here's proof:
he only tells lies when they're almost the truth
and it's amazing
in our incompleteness we find complacence
but if almost is one of Lucifer's many traits
then we are inadvertently good as Satan impersonations
But on the contrary, Christ did his job fully
and he proved he was God when he died on the cross like it was his duty
and to pardon my iniquities that I committed rudely
he resurrected from the grave just to tell death to excuse me
but excuse me, this is your life and that's something I can't impose on
but your body is God's home which was a loan to get foreclosed on
See, an almost Christian looks right but lives wrong
Can't stand the conviction in Romans so they sit down to be comforted in Psalms
Never understood worship but loved to sing songs like I surrender all. . .MOST
Cuz it's far to expensive to spend your life on something that doesn't appeal to your five senses
see, nowadays, Christianity is like a Louis rag--
no function or use but we just rock it cuz it's stylish
not righteous, but right-ish
So now all God sees is a pile of ISHmael's when he intended for Isaac's
And we're moved by how we feel so we're saved when we feel like it
so technically we've never really been saved we merely tried it.
So no wonder why we're never sold out when we return it after we buy it
Now let me break it down because you need to beware
that your life could lack the very standards that need to be there
Cuz on that final day of judgment while God's receiving his heir
will he say, Son, well done or [spits] medium rare!
Cuz even by earthly standards it would be highly insane
to start spending all of your money days before you almost get paid
like parents, you wouldn't send your kids to a school that's almost safe
and ladies, would you really date a man who claims he's almost straight?
and this is the very thing about God that we all try to get around
but his standards are like between two mountains--no middle ground
so a halfway life is unprofitable to you
cuz after all the Sunday services, Bible studies, and prayer meetings
and everything that goes between, God will say I never knew you
But that's not even the worst part of living your life as neutral
it's that you were once arctic but it is your warmness that is causing him to spew you
and this is the very thing that had me
I was bound and held down by the unforgiving gravity of my spiritual reality
I was a Christian, or at least I portrayed the fantasy
With a filthy personal life but a "God bless you brother, how you doin' sister?" personality
I was a mail enveloped by guilt because I was stamped a sinner
I said I was a mail enveloped by guilt because I was stamped a sinner
My message couldn't be received cuz I didn't represent the sender yet I was almost delivered
Till that one day that I totally, absolutely and completely surrendered
I took heed to a modern prophet who proclaimed it was time for change
now I'm no longer bound to sin point-blank off the chain
You can ask Umar Abdul Mutallab, he'll tell you the same--
you don't almost go to jail when you almost blow up a plane
like you don't almost go to hell when you almost get saved
despised the cross that he was slain and thus the cause for which he came
but don't worry i'm almost done, but before i leave this stage
we have all worked in sin and death was minimum wage
I said we've all worked in sin and death was minimum wage
but if it wasn't for Christ we would have almost got paid
